My problems and dilemmas with lolita fashion in the early 00's

• Trying to search for lolita fashion brands online - nothing lolita fashion related in the search results.
• Making a mental image of "true lolita style" from flipping through FRUiTS.
• Learning how to sew to be able to wear lolita fashion.
• Sewing skills not high enough to make even a decent skirt.
• But at least the skirt had one row of frill at the bottom.
• And at least the skirt was knee length.
• Headdresses were easy to sew though. 
• Wear my headdresses all the time to everything because I made it myself.  
• "I'll just sew lace on top of my knee high socks, how hard can it be?" 

• "Why buy from the Japanese brands when it is so much cheaper to make it yourself?" - all board members on Black Lolita mailing list ever.
• The high currency value of the yen.
• Super jealous of the lolitas living in Japan who just bought the whole nurse set from Metamorphose and showed outfit posts on EGL at LiveJournal.
• Super dizzy from thinking of the costs of the whole nurse set from Metamorphose. 
• Thinking of how hard it would be to sew a nurse set for myself.
• Not sewing a nurse set because PVC fabric broke my sewing machine.  

• Overjoyed with the first volume of Gothic & Lolita Bible (GLB).
• Reading GLB = looking at pictures in GLB.
• Looking at pictures in GLB: "Is this true lolita style?"
• Home decor tips in GLB: "Is this true lolita decor?"
• Finished reading GLB - "Now I am well-versed in true lolita fashion!"
• Why does this crappy thing that is supposed to be a dress that I made from the patterns in GLB not look like the dress pictured in GLB?

 

• Discovering lolita fashion brands homepages in GLB.
• Visiting lolita fashion brands homepages only to discover that there are no possibilites to order online.
• Emailing in English to Japanese lolita brands, hoping for an answer on how to order from overseas.
• Indie designer Kazuko Ogawa accepted orders from overseas and even offered to make items after measurements.
• Metamorphose would look into accepting orders from overseas and was happy to keep communicating in English.
• Baby the Stars Shine Bright would not accept orders from overseas.
• All other brands emailed to did not reply.

I used to be a lifestyle blogger but in all honesty I wouldn't have called it a life

I said I would write more about how things have changed from when I used to write frequently on this blog. If you are reading this and are new to this blog, I used to portray myself as a "lifestyle blogger" living an "everyday gothic lolita life".

Lifestyle lolitas back then often strived to portray themselves as modern princesses flirting with old traditions (my choice of words and my view of the lifestyle lolitas, not theirs): cute pets, cute home, cute tea sets, cute pastries, cute everything. As for me, I dressed the part but didn't feel like I fit in on any other parts of what a lifestyler would be. My main objective became to show that it was possible to dress in lolita fashion and still maintain ones personality as is, with lots of photos and shorter texts.

In the beginning I had an accepting work environment for several years in a smaller town with few friends around me. I worked and I blogged. That was pretty much it. As I started to climb the career ladder I also moved to a bigger city and got back to bigger friend circles. I got more influential job roles with more responsibility and people started taking me less seriously whenever I showed up in any kind of alternative clothing. The blogging got put aside because I had more to do, people to see and not enough reasons or possibilities to dress the way I loved the most.

Since I wore lolita fashion less I also bought less new items, I went to less meetups and of course I didn't initiate any events either. I slowly slipped out of the loop. On top of this, I had a great career but started falling into mental illness that I still suffer from today. It was a paradox: I felt like I was caged in several ways and one of the things that actually made me feel free was basically out of the question if I wanted to maintain my successful career.

Somewhere along the line I got the feeling that my inspiration and aspiration was gone when it came to several aspects of my life. I had gotten stuck, even within lolita fashion. The feeling of joy that I got from lolita fashion and other things was just not there anymore. My mental illness was at it's peak by this time as well.

Since then I have slowly but surely gotten my mental illness under control. With the gained control I also found my way back to the things I love - lolita fashion being one of those things. I buy the occassional item to complete my wardrobe, I have been traveling for international lolita events but laying a bit low when it comes to my local community.

My main objective with this blog now is to show my view of lolita fashion in texts and maybe a few photos. Because I would like to share my thoughts, anecdotes and feelings about a subject I truly love.

In a discussion about a reasonable price for Moitiés bat-shaped handbag, my friend wondered:  

"Do today's new lolitas know that the house-shaped bag from Bodyline is an Innocent World replica?" 

DO THEY?
I hope so, I guess?
Why do I even hope for it and why do I guess?!

And I still don't know what a reasonable price for an iconic piece of lolita fashion would be.

Let's try this again, because I really want to.

Hi. It's been a long time since I wrote a blog entry and an even longer time since I wrote a blog entry on this particular blog.

I have recently been searching for what really makes me happy. Genuinely happy. Cliché, right? Yeah. So some things that I return to that make me genuinely happy are: writing and the gothic lolita fashion. When I used to write more, I felt truly free. Whenever I dress in gothic lolita fashion, I feel truly myself. I want to be in touch with those feelings again, genuinely in touch.

So I really want to write again. I really want to write on a topic I know really well. I really want to write on a topic I know really well and not feel any pressure of having to deliver within a certain deadline or even within a certain quality. I really want to write because I used to love writing.

Nothing will be like it used to be, except for me doing the writing.
Things have changed since I last was active here. My life, my job, my person. I could write a whole single entry on just this specific topic, because wow, do I have things to say about that topic. I probably will. And I guess you are not the same now as you were back then. So neither me or you will go back to what used to be - we will go forward all the wiser. Seriously. Do not look back.

I would like for this blog to consist of comments, thoughts and feelings around the fashion I love so much and the culture revolving the fashion. Unoriginal, eh? Very true. The only originality I will have for this blog is me. My writing. My words. That is all and you are more than welcome to read.